I have to think about that time Dave tricked me into looking at his hairy Mexican nipple to feel worse douche chills than this.

But really, what other possible stories are there coming out of the Yankees victory in the 2009 World Series? There are none.

I mean, there’s the seemingly incredible story of Hideki Matsui, at age 35, winning the World Series MVP title with only 13 at bats, he had a .615 BA (8 for 13) and knocked in three homers and eight RBI’s when the Yankees needed him most.  And he’s a free agent next year….nah, no story there at all.

There’s Pettite and Mariano, seemingly ageless veterans taking the Yankees all the way to the top. Nope… Booooooooooooring.

Give me ratings! Show me some chutzpah!

And Jim Caple gives A-Rod the appropriate Favre style hand job over on ESPN.com, as usual. With the appropriately titled “A-Rod finally wins that elusive title”, because really, he won that shit all on his own. Only Peyton Manning can carry an entire team on his back in the same fashion.

We can’t say A-Rod isn’t clutch any more. We can’t call him “Mr. May”. We can’t rally around the fact that A-Rod couldn’t win when it counted…and good for him. Now, as humbled fans of other teams, we’re all invited by ESPN to come over and kiss A-Rod’s newly gilded hand. He’s one of the greatest of all time, and there’s nothing you can do about it… and nothing to stop ESPN from reminding you. Because again, no one else on the Yankee team did a damn thing to win the World Series.

As baseball finally ends and I start to think about recapping the Red Sox series over in my Red Sox column, I can’t imagine a more miserable end to the season than this:

Congratulations to the New York Yankees and their fans on the World Series win!

I can taste my own puke.

And remember, A-Rod is not just a douchebag any more. Now he’s a douchebag with the One True Ring.